Porch pirates in the news
Stealing parcels, catching the blues
And pinks, reds, greens, or yellows
Glitter, sparkles get all over these fellows
And women are also included
Claiming deliveries, totally deluded
Splattered with paint, just humiliated
Many excuses have been accumulated
Threats to sue and file charges
Laid up and shipped on barges
Threats, raging and intimidations
No sense to accommodations
Thievery, pilfery, and just plain stealing
Can’t get a job or do any honest dealing
Just paint dripping from your clothes
In their eyes, ears, mouth, and nose
What’s the cure for this epidemic?
The answer is simply systemic
No more nonsense, that’s for sure
Pass laws that will surely endure
Don’t pussyfoot around with excuses
For those guilty of these abuses